Gordon Cancels Election And Orders Stateof Emergency

I am sitting shivering at my computer terminal, the last human in Barnsley. (OK, OK, that wouldn’t be so difficult, there weren’t that many of us in the first place.)
Outside the frozen snow lies thick upon the ground. The vague shapes of abandoned cars rise from the drifts at the sides of the ungritted roads, pale ghosts of a lost civilisation.

In this blighted landscape nothing moves.

We don’t know how many of us are left.

They said 60,000 died in the big freeze.
The summer before they said 20,000 perished in the heatwave that was termed the Barbecue Summer.
They said 75,000 died of swineflu.
The birdflu epidemic the previous year allegedly took over 100,000.
Back in 2005, the SARS virus wiped out quarter of a million, how long ago is that? It is so hard to keep track of time these days, no television, no radio, no newspapers.

We keep a feeble and sporadic supply of electricity generated by the cats running around a giant hamster wheel. If they ever manage to catch that hamster we will be finished.
The computer shows a date and time but what does it mean in this solitary existance that is post apocalyptic life on earth?

Occasionally a group of humans may pass through, desperately searching for food, for shelter, for survivors. We gather what news we can.

Whilst the cumulative catastrophes have devastated mankind, one man has seized his chance to strengthen his grip on our blighted country.

As the icy winds brought blizzards, chaos and death to our shores he calmly remained in his bunker in Downing Street, oblivious to the wants and needs of the populace. He used the meteorological circumstances to his own advantage, cancelled the election and declared a State Of Emergency, purely so he would not have to relinquish the reins of power that he had lusted after for so long.

We heard tell his only challenger was dragged from his house in the dead of night and imprisonned in the Tower, subjected to the hideous torture of watching Gordon on YouTube. They say he went mad, and now lies a broken man, twitching, screaming and recoiling in horror from the demons inside his head.

It seems there is no hope for us now, for this man who would save this country, and indeed save the world, leads us steadfastly into oblivion.

Indeed it is a dark time, especially as the bloody cat has just caught the hams…

Change: Why Don’t Politicians Get It
The First Night In Number Ten


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5 Responses to “Gordon Cancels Election And Orders Stateof Emergency”

  1. ianrthorpe Says:

    Oh come on, the last series of survivors wasn’t that good.

  2. fatsally Says:

    I was going to do it Cormac McCarthy style but I couldn’t find my copy of The Road for inspiration.

    Anyway the original series of The Survivors was that good, that was the one I watched when I was knee high to a snowman.

    • ianrthorpe Says:

      To be knee high to the current snowman population around here you’d have to be seven feet tall.

      Hey, our Al has signed up for his own blog on this site. The Thorpe’s are taking over :))

  3. robswan Says:

    Barnsley eh ? Get the shovel out —Parky’s probably stuck in the snow out there.

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