Money Fruit – It Grows On Trees

Hands up anyone who as a child or teenager was not told by their Dear Old Mum or Dad, “Money doesn’t grow on trees you know.”

One, two… two more over on the right and one at the back ready to make a quick exit if the debt collectors show up. I had no idea so many leading Labour politicians read our blog.

While Lib Dems Invisible Man Clegg and old shiny face Cameron have spent the past couple of weeks explaining why they will have to cut public spending if they get elected and furiously back-pedalling on earlier promises that their parties can reduce the deficit without cutting services Gordon Brown, who was not advised that money does not grow on trees was happily swanning about in his money tree orchard and telling the media how he would be handing out free laptop computers to “the needy” just as soon as he is granted another term in power.

With the nation already effectively bankrupt due to Gordon’s ability to delude himself that the money fruit he harvests from is orchard grows naturally on the branches of his trees rather than being pinned there by us compassionate taxpayers who do not want to traumatise the Prime Minister by stripping him of his delusions.

What Gordon hopes to achieve by using part of his money – fruit harvest to give laptops to the needy is unclear. The needy have more need of some cash to help with their meganormous fuel bills that a free laptop computer they will not be able to use because the electricity has been cut off. Perhaps when he says needy he means destitute.

In our experience there are two types of destitute people, the truly unlucky and the wasters and no – marks. The former could get a lot more benefit from a hot meal and a thick blanket. You can’t eat a laptop computer even if you boil it for a very long time, nor can you wrap it around yourself when huddled up in a doorway on a cold night. Wasters and no-marks on the other hand would be very happy to get a free laptop computer as they could take it down Cash Converters and hock it to get money for booze and drugs.

Gordon Brown is not the first Labour leader to believe money grows on trees however. The entire sub – species seem afflicted with the same problem. Perhaps they are predisposed to financial profligacy by something in their DNA. I know for a fact there is a gene that causes people to spend money they don’t have, my wife and daughter both have it. But even those wonderful people do understand that when you have emptied the bank account and maxed out the credit cards you have to stop. With Labour leaders the silly – spending gene leads to a belief that the only way to cure the problems caused by overspending is more overspending.

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Economy Of The Living Dead
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19 Responses to “Money Fruit – It Grows On Trees”

  1. robswan Says:

    Gordon certainly seems to think it grows on trees. He’s giving 20 million to Haiti relief. I bear no truck with relief for Haiti generally but I doubt whether the blokes queuing down at the job centre would be impressed. Leave the giving to Obama—he’s got plenty.
    Broon needs to know that Britain needs relief too!

    • ianrthorpe Says:

      Obama has a bigger money tree orchard that Gordon Brown. Unfortunately the crop has failed and the Chinese are calling in the loans.

      Haiti is a tragic case but so are Ethiopia, Sudan, Bangla Desh and ……. where do we stop.

  2. rithompson Says:

    Free laptops? Can we have free WiFi in public buildings as well? 🙂

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    “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

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