Our revered Prime Minister Call-me-twatface has been talking about the internet of things. Now Cammers probably does not understand this phrase probably but he thinks it’s the future because a scientist told him that’s what progressive people are thinking (and to that scientist I say; I was promised a personal hovercraft by some geek on Tomorrows World forty years ago – WHERE’S MY FUCKING HOVERCRAFT?
The internet of things is the latest buzzphrase among those who think anything that contributes to blurring the line between the real world and the virtual world inhabited by “scientists” and other reality deniers is “kewl”.
There are many emerging technologies that have practical applications than the robot fuck buddies and wearable technology of the internet of things but manufacturers and owners of the creepy stuff like Google Goggles or smart watches that report your activities to a server farm.
Supermarkets are introducing smart shelves, homes are getting smart meters which tell the government how much energy you are wasting, and businesses are all finding ways to connect everyday objects to the internet of things with touch screens, QR codes, RFID chips and other sensors.
Google, being the most evil corporation on the planet, are even working on technology to connect our brains to the internet. All this extended connectivity has officially been dubbed the Internet of Things and someone has told he will sound cool if he uses the phrase. Here’s a presser of Dave’s speech made earlier today:
“David Cameron has announced that the world is on the brink of ‘a new industrial revolution,’ where the internet will allow everyday objects like fridges to ‘talk to each other.’
Speaking at a trade fair in Hanover, Germany, the Prime Minister said that ‘the internet of things’ would transform the world, as he announced a package of measures to promote Britains position in the global technological race.
“I see the Internet of Things as a huge transformative development a way of boosting productivity, of keeping us healthier, making transport more efficient, reducing energy needs, tackling climate change,” said Mr Cameron, adding that the world was now “on fast-forward”. Well Dave might want to live in a dystopia where humans are Slaves Of The Machine but count me out.
In fact there isn’t much science involved that has not been around for years, what drives the internet of things is greed, lust for power and control freakery.
The Internet of Things really refers to seemingly ordinary objects that are programmed so they can make “decisions” based on the data they receive. That information helps people learn and grow from the feedback, developers to improve their products, advertisers to better understand their audience, and most amazing of all, for processes to become automated without human interaction. It also helps governments and corporations to nag us to consume more (and thus pay more VAT) and do as we are told because Big Brother is watching.
Recent technology glitches, covert data gathering exercises and hacking scandals demonstrate that personal data is vulnerable, the internet was never designed for the things it is being used for, such security as there was got stripped out when a scientist decided he could do a better job than the computer professionals and nobody has as yet addressed the failings. Governments and corporations have to invest in strong underlying infrastructure or this information is left vulnerable. The problem with that of course is that a secure internet would be far too difficult for scientists, academics and politicians to use although ordinary punters would manage quite well. We were landed with the POS we have now because scientists felts the systems used with ease by process workers, mechanics, clerks, shop, warehouse and distribution staff and even post office counter clerks were too difficult for someone with a PhD.
This question is being debated now, but in the meantime let’s focus on the fun we can have with some very cool new toys.
“My car will tell me when I need to fill the tank, check the tyres and top up the oil but it will not let me exceed the speed limit”
“My fridge will tell me when I need to buy more butter but will lock itself and warn me that I’ve already had my daily safe allowance when I try to get a third bottle of beer”
“My TV will tell me when my favourite programmes are on then automatically switch itself to a channel broadcasting output approved by the government”
My wardrobe will tell me it is the voice of Azazel and I must go out and kill people wearing silly trousers – oh, come to think of it I’ve had one of those for years. I tried to get rid of it once but it threatened to tell the Police National Crime Database where the bodies are buried.
The world is run by insane people doing insane things – John Lennon