Masturbators Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife Says Imam

You’ve got to love religion haven’t you? What would we do for laughs without it. When confronted with stories like one I read today often wonder what would the great Dave Allen have made of modern religious fanaticism?

Islamic Preacher: ‘Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife’

Imam Muchahid Cihad Han. Keeping his hands where we can see them while the camera is around, but why is his coat unbuttoned up to chest level (image source)

A Muslim cleric has warned the sons of The Prophet that men who occasionally spank the monkey (and let’s be honest lads, we all do) could find their hands are pregnant when they reach the afterlife.

Turkey’s Hürriyet Daily News reports that Mucahid Cihad Han issued his warning during a live TV broadcast after a married man the show to say he could not stop masturbating, even on a pilgrimage to Mecca.

Han responded that masturbation was a sin in Islam. He added:

“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights.

“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?”

The self-styled televangelist advised the viewer to “resist Satan’s temptations”. Satan, I thought it was Mrs. Palm and he five daughters doing the tempting.

Wanking is a controversial issue in Islam as The Prophet (PBOH) did not pronounce directly on it. There are varying opinions on how permissible masturbation can be.

The Koran has no clear reference to the act and many hadiths (teachings of Mohammed outside of the Koran) are of questionable authenticity. Some scholars of Islam take the view that if knocking one off the wrist was an abomination, the Koran would have mentioned it, others say it should be obvious that enjoying oneself privately in a way that does not kill infidels must be a sin.

Few Islamic scholars consider it “haram” (forbidden) but believe if God had no objection to men handling their meat he would not have made it look quite so much like a pork sausage. Most Islamic clerics therefore consider masturbation “makruh” (disliked or offensive). Some even say it is permissible in certain circumstances, such as avoiding temptation to commit adultery.

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8 Responses to “Masturbators Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife Says Imam”

  1. Athelstan Says:

    What can I say but…the man is obviously a complete tosser.

  2. MichaelStMark Says:

    That’s gotta be the most worrying religious damnation threat ever.
    Be afraid, hands; very afraid !

  3. karoon611 Says:

    Islam is a religion of peace and friendship. Extremist groups have been made by the West to defame Muslims.

    • ianrthorpe Says:

      I don’t think any religion can claim to be a religion of peace and friendship. Most followers of Islam, Christianity and Hindusm are peaceful and reasonable people but all have their extremist groups and preacher like the guy highlighted in the blog above.

  4. paradisewildchild Says:

    Extremism in any form is dangerous. having pre conceived, prejudiced notions about any race is very very inhuman. I remember MSM commenting on my picture (on my blog in 2005) in which i was in a laid back mood relaxing in a hammock while on vacation comparing me with osama when he remarked that “behind the quartz of the two mountain peaks lies my cave.”
    MSM, i still remember that insult.

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