Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

Politically Correct Terminology

August 11, 2016

A lot of people here in Britain, around Europe, in Canada, Australia and in particular in the USA are sich of politically correct censorship of the language we can use and the thoughts we can think. One thing that particularly irks sane people is the question of ‘hate speech’ against Muslims. While the authoritarians and neo – fascists who call themselves left wing, liberal or progressive are hapy to designate even the most reasonable criticism of Islamic communities as ‘hate speech’, they try to browbeat us into accepting that it is OK for extremist Muslim preachers to tell their followers to go out and kill non – Muslims.

There are ways to fight back of course. This message we received recently offers one good example:

 

sheet-heads.jpg

Google “Evil Empire” Plans To Hijack Your Car

October 11, 2010

We have blogged many times to the effect that the world’s most control freaky corporation is building an evil empire. Did you give Google permission to take pictures of your house or store and share details of your web activity? Thought not.

Did you give Google permission to broadcast details of your purchases to the world? Thought not.

Now Google is planning to hijack your car. In their continuing effort to help neo – nazi governments abolish individualism Google has been testing cars that drive themselves.

So will this give Google control of your movements? You’d be a fool to allow it to. Take a look at what happens when we let a computer system give us directions:

Van Airlifted After Satnav Blunder
The incredible images our link lesads to show the moment a white Opel van had to be airlifted from a mountain – after a satellite navigation system had directed the driver to travel up it.

The driver, 37-year-old Robert Ziegler, was making a delivery to Bergun, Switzerland, using his GPS unit for directions.

Unfortunately, the unit directed Mr Ziegler up a narrow mountain pathway, which he continued to follow until he became well and truly stuck. “I was lost and I kept hoping that each little turn would get me back to the main road,” he said.By the time the satnav had decided it was time to ‘make a legal u-turn’ the van was wedged between a fence and a stone wall.

Imagine the potential for disaster if you let the computer take over the controls.

Now, having read that have a look at our other sat – nav  (below) on the disasters that have hapened when technological failure meets a failure of human intelligence and then ask yourself: If these idiots trusted a computer to give them directions and this shit happened would I really, seriously think of letting an effing search engine control my car. Think here of the man who googled a crossword clue, wild asian ass, and was pointed to a load of Indian porn sites. Think of the time you googled roast quail hoping to find a recipe for the tasty birds and were direcred to a site for paedophile Premiership fooballers. Think of the time you googled Stones and were shown an ad for a beer brewed in Sheffield.

We ask again, seriously would you let those festering gobshites at Google control your car for you?

Another stupid sat nav story
Sat Nav Can’t See The Wood For The Trees
Puffin Up The Power Of SatNav Technology
Google Carjack

RELATED POSTS:

How Google Destroyed the Internet
The idea of the internet was that it would be a communications tool that freed information by making all public domain documents, libraries and archives accessible for everyone. Unfortunately the corporate monopoly men of Google, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon and Facebook and political control freaks had other ideas. They also understood the technolgy while the hippies and liberals ignored professionals warnings that internet systems would become a perfect toool of censorship.</p>

The Great Internet Scam

June 15, 2008

The Great Internet Scam – Part 1.

You have all read about internet scams but would you believe me if I told you the internet itself is a scam. The original idea, to share information between computers on a universal platform was fine. The World Wide Web, the notion of opening up computers so it was not necessary to be an authorised user was fine in that it was intended for trusted members of the academic and business communities. It was still fine when the World Wide Web came along because that started off with the intention of letting trusted members of the academic and business communities search for information across all connected computers instead of having to be provided with a specific location for their target information.

It all started to go pear – shaped when Microsoft and their buddies, while telling us they were opening up a whole new world to everybody, in reality opened up our internet connected PCs to all the hacking, phishing, spam, viruses, trojans, worms and plain bad mouthing that all the sad, inadequate wankers, arseholes, dickheads scumbags, slimeballs, penis enlargement peddlers, breast enlargement hucksters and snake oil salesmen in the world could throw at us.

It would have been very easy to stop the stream of dross but nobody was willing to. All members of civilised society accept there is a need for rules. We are not allowed to kill or hurt others just because we are stronger. We are not allowed to take other peoples’ stuff. We are not allowed to drive on whatever side of the road we choose, not go through red lights without stopping. Its all basic common sense really and the same common sense should apply to the net.

Unfortunately the people who saw the internet not as a tool to help us exchange information but a massive opportunity to make money had advertised “cyberspace” as a place where people could be free. And a lot of otherwise sane, rational people grabbed the opportunity to show they did not really understand the meanings and nuances of the word “free.” They invited the phishers, hackers, etc. etc. right into their computers via the insecure internet connections.

This launched a multi billion pound industry for internet security software. And for every package sold Microsoft picked up a licence fee. Only a few pennies every time but would you rather have a penny a few billion times or $10,000 once. (“ummm divide by ten and by ten again arrrum hmmmm knock off two zeros and…duh! they’re getting rich on all those pennies.”) Too bloody right they are!

But worse was to come.

By the time we had loaded virus scanners, trojan catchers, worm wranglers, watchdogs, and firewalls, all containing several bits of code licensed by Microsoft, to the Pentium PCs they were not powerful enough to run the internet – friendly operating systems and all supporting software we had run out and bought because “the world wide web would be our gateway to a Brave New World. Even when we were using a simple text editor with all our security software running, data flowed through the CPU like molasses through a fine sieve.

So we bought Pentium 2s. Then we obediently upgraded to Windows 98 or 98SE, some gullible souls actually did the three upgrades, 98, 98SE and Millennium Edition which really should have been called Still_Win95_but_works_properly(ish)_at_last.

For a while all was well. But Microsoft and their cohorts in the megascam business had ideas about how to screw us for even more money. We were complaining that most of the content on the web, when we could find any content that is, was dross.

“That’s because you technological dinosaurs haven’t got broadband screamed the megascammers,” telling us the web is a visual medium and if we wanted to see interesting, meticulously produced content we ought to be streaming video to our desktops. They lied of course. Television is a visual medium and at a different level so are books. The internet is a data medium. There are no pictures on the internet, no sound or video material. The only things stored on all the servers in the world are lots of tiny charges of stored static electricity. The pictures you see exist as pictures on your screen, the sounds you hear are created within your speakers. The World Wide Web only shifts streams of electricity around. Ones and zeros; and nulls of course, nothing at all. Because if there was no nothing how would a computer recognise when a thing was something. Computers might be cleverer than those nerdy types at Microsoft and Adobe and Google but that does not mean they are endowed with many practical abilities.

We all got broadband, many of us because we thought the bright boys at Microsoft and Google must know what they are talking about, were conned into it, some – old computer pros like me who remember programming computers the size of a house and offering 256k RAM – because we were bullied into it when dial up facilities were downgraded so much it was impossible to get a connection. And whoa! a brave new world opened up to us and we could spend jolly hours watching advertising zwinkies, fartlighting videos or if we were really cool dudes, maybe watching a lonely teenage girl commit suicide online or a bunch of terrorists behead a hostage.

There had not been such great live entertainment since the days of King Henry VIII and the great thing was everybody could see it. In King Henry’s day only a few hundred could gather on Tower Green in front of the Tower of London to see Anne Boleyn or Catherine Howard get the chop. With the Internet millions can watch or even save the video to hard drive and mail it to their friends. So finally we were starting to understand what the www was about. Its purpose was to turn us into an ignorant, bloodthirsty mindless medieval mob. Oh and to part us from our hard – earned of course. Never forget the money.

With Broadband came a whole swathe of new security problems from which Magnanimous Microsoft were only too willing to protect us – at a price.

The price was Windows XP (standing for Xtra Pennies I assume) Another new operating system.Despite promises that the code for Windows XP was more elegant and less resource hungry than previous editions of Windows it soon became clear that a Pentium 2 CPU running it could process data like, well like road tar fresh out of the freezer flowing through a fine sieve. So we all would have to buy Pentium 3s.

And we did, in spite of the fact that what the majority of us were doing on our computers could have been done on that 486 we threw out ten years before, had a decent operating system been available.

The next step towards winning the battle for hearts, minds and bank balances was to introduce 64bit computing. The technology had been around for a while, Digital Equipment launched the Alpha AXP, a 64 bit server designed to run Unix, in the mid 1990s. It was a super machine. But it was sold as a server because the main, in fact the only, advantage of 64bit computing is that it enables an unimaginable amount of memory to be addressed, which in turn means lots of processes can run simultaneously. A personal computer is, as the name suggests, designed for use by one person (personal – of a person, geddit Mr. Gates?) If anyone has ever tried using more than one application at a time, I mean using, not letting sit idle in background mode) they will find it is like trying to ride two horses with one arse, difficult. So the technology scam cartel needed to give us a compelling reason to buy 64 bit computers to sit on our desktops.

A few people were always going to be drawn by the idea of having at their fingertips more processing power than the Cray supercomputers used by Nuclear and astrophysical research installations like M.I.T. and CERN But the geek market would never be big enough to recoup the millions invested in reinventing the 64bit wheel.

The answer was Windows Vista, an operating system so overblown, so inefficient, so badly programmed by inadequately trained script kiddies supervised by people who think Second Life is a real place that it needs a 64bit processor with a gigabyte Random Access Memory just to run itself.

There has been resistance so far to 64 bit computers and to Windows Vista. But slowly we will be forced to upgrade. New document formats will be introduced, incompatible with our old software, new communications protocols will demand newer technology. The whole market is structured around making us throw away perfectly good stuff with years of life left in it.

It would be impossible to cite all the examples of the great internet scam but every time you find yourself being told you will have to buy or upgrade new hardware for the sake of compatibility or adequate performance bear in mind that it is another few pennies to all those software companies that hold patents on a few lines of code hidden somewhere deep in the software. And then ask yourself “do I really need this or will it just lead to more purchases to make my other stuff compatible with it.

That is how the great internet scam works.

Boggart Blog probably the funniest blog on the web

*****************

A career for tossers?

August 21, 2007

A few weeks ago I was involved in a bit of a kerfuffle with the boy scientists from The Bad Science forum. One of the more intelligent and articulate commenters eventually asked why science gets such a bad press?

Well it could be something to do with the way, when their certainties are challenged they tend to respond, You’re not a scientist, you don’t understand scientific methods.” Such a response puts “scientists” in the same category as those religionists whose response to any challenge is, “Anything is possible for God.”

Or it could be because we see so many stories like the two below.

Researchers at Herriot Watt University and Strathclyde University claim to have proved older people have difficulty using new technology because physiological deterioration in connections between cells in the frontal lobes of the brain causes them to be easily confused by unfamiliar things.

Typically the “scientists” involved in this study forgot to look at the most obvious thing. So we oldies can watch movies or play games on our mobile phones. Are we bovvered? Many of us who have been rounded out by leading full and interesting lives can think of a hundred better things to do than watch a movie on a three inch by two inch screen.

I cannot take pictures or record video clips with my mobile phone. Is my brain going or is the case simply that my excellent digital camera and state of the art camcorder perform those tasks far better than the phone ever could. So I cannot do those things simply because I am never likely to want to.

Similarly neither I nor my wife ever learned to set the VCR to record a week in advance. Are we sliding into dementia or are we simply not the type of people to get withdrawal symptoms if we miss an episode of a favourite program. They will be repeated in a few months anyway.

It is not a question of neurological degeneration because everybody is different in that respect, it is a question of how interested we are. QED. And that is how to do the science, just think things through and a lot of time, effort and expence can be saved.

The second story has slightly more sinister connotations. Scientists (again – its never philosophers or artists or historians causing trouble) at the University of Kentucky, Louisville – now keep in mind this is in Kentucky, think fried chicken, bluegrass and red necks – claim to have found a link between eye colour and intelligence.

Blue eyed people, amazingly, are found to be more intelligent, ambitious and focused. Brown eyed people can run faster.

Nobody thought to mention in the context of this study that brown eyed people tend to have darker skin and curlier hair than blue eyed people.

My entirely unscientific observations on this issue, made throughout a long career in management consultancy is that if you tell people they are intelligent, thoughtful and capable of more than they have ever given themselves credit for, they tend to aim higher and as a result grow in confidence and status. This approach works regardless of eye colour.

So let’s throw this one back at the boy scientists who have been trying to give me a hard time (and actually themselves being on the receiving end of a harder time.) What is it exactly that us alleged non scientists don’t understand? That ageism and racism are OK so long as they are backed up by properly conducted scientific studies?

I’ll bear that in mind when advising young friends on whether they should follow me into a science related career. (Clue: proper scientists tend not to refer to themselves as “scientists” but by the specific discipline. I am (was) a systems analyst, later an Information Technology Consultant. 

Visit the funniest blog on the web