Posts Tagged ‘condom’

Bill Gates Promises Your Web Enabled Dick

November 22, 2013

Yesterday we blogged about the intrusive nature of the web enabled television that sends details of your viewing habits to mission control so they can target ads according to your interests.

Today we report that the Davros of Redmond, the Sarah Palin of computer science, Bill Gates, has plans to connect your dick to the internet. The graphene condom which Gates is supporting promises ultra safe sex but don’t forget, graphene may be ultra thin although we can’t quite see how a material only one atom thick could be ribbed for extra sensitivity, but it is also the great hope of the technology Nazis for creating ultra small, ultra fast computers that can be printed on human skin or even implaneted in the body.

So obviously the graphene condom has other possibilities.

The Nobel prize-winning “wonder” product is being touted as the solution to the problem of men who say they don’t like wearing condoms but its advantages in the safe sex stakes are more exciting than that. With your podger wrapped in a skin capable of running biometric identification systems you could have a sexual health report on your intended partner beamed to your Googlegoggles.

My dear old Dad used to tell me a standing prick has no conscience but I think it might soon develop one if an extreme colse up of some slapper’s genital warts appeared an inch from my eyeball.

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has awarded a £62,000 grant to the scientists at Manchester University who believe the material can be combined with latex to create a super-strong, super-stretchy, supercondom. This will make them very attractive to adolescents who think safe sex is for sissys but love the comic potential of using condoms as water bombs.

Only a sad nerd like Gates, who has probably never had a good shag in his life, could come up with this project. Condoms are very safe in their present form so long as people remember to use them.

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