Posts Tagged ‘film’

And the Oscar goes to

March 3, 2014

It’s that weekend again when the MKultra factory that is Hollywood gathers it population of the talentless, the retarded, the cosmetically reconstructed and the generally useless so they can all congratulate each other on being “simply wonderful dahling.”

This year the name of the little statuettes could have been changed to the POScars as POS is the hands down winner of the TLA of the year award.

So which Piles Of Shit deserved to wing and which didn’t?

12 Years A Slave was predictable winner of best film because it is about black people being treated badly by white people. (There is only one thing the Hollywood glitterati are more addicted to that botox, fame, cocaine, prescription drugs and publicity and that is guilt. Pity the tossers are so shameless about passing of utter shite as art.) 12 Years A Slave is supposedly a true story. Well it’s true that the central character was a real person, a free black man who was kidnapped and sold into slavery. Less likely is that the aforementioned central character spen his twelve years of slavery being flogged, tortured and humiliated (along with his very attractive girlfriend) in order to provide the script for a soft porn, SMBD blackxploitation movie.The plantation owners were businessmen, they didn’t invest money in slaves for their mates to have fun, they wanted workers. It was often written by contemporary chroniclers that slaves were in some ways better off than the free poor. If you were free nobody cared if you starved, if someone had invested money in you, they were going to feed you.

The second most prestigious award,the POScar for best director when to a POS titled Gravity. This was the picture that most blatantly targeted the kind of geeks who watch Star trek thinking it is a fly on the wall documentary. Gravity is idiotic in every way, ’nuff said.

Disney Studios won the POScar for best animated film for a POS that is exactly like every other Disney animation, sentimental, mawkish, cutesy pie drivel.

Best Actor POScar went to Matthew McConaughey for playing the role of a man who helped HIV positive people buy illegal drugs legally. If these people were HIV positive you’d think there’s a good chance they would have had enough of illegal drugs. McConaughey’s acceptance speech however suggested he had personally tested the drugs his character was supplying.

There was one other award worth noting. The Oscar for best psychotic killer of the year went to some guy name Pistorius.

A hundred years ago some twat said ‘the lights are going out’

March 2, 2014

A hundred years ago some posh twat, I think it was Earl Grey* (the bloke who invented weak tea, gimme Ringtons teabags any time) said something about “One by one the lights are going out all over Europe.”

With the situation in Ukraine worsening by the minute, people are saying the same now. OK, let’s switch a few back on.

The web is full of “funniest scenes in film” which are usually dominated by clips from Monty Python and the holy Grail, The Life Of Brian, the farting scene from Mel Brook’s Blazing Saddles and that famous line delivered in The Italian Job by Michael Caine, something from Four Weddings or maybe the fake orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. There are plenty of other contenders but those spring to mind readily.

There is one that should feature strongly but is usually overlooked however. As it happens (or maybe to stop us all plunging into abyssal dspair) Channel 5 screened Beetlejuice today and as I watched it made me wonder how can we forget the scence where the ghosts in the haunted house hijack the pretentious yuppies dinner party and make the guests sing and dance The Banana Boat Song.

Forgotten it, or maybe you have never watched Beetlejuice. Enjoy it again – or maybe for the first time

The Banana Boat song from Beetlejuice:

*It was actually Sir Edward Grey, the British Foreign secretary but the deliberate error worked better for this item.

Labour Offers Reel Change

January 24, 2010

Labour Offers Reel Change

David ?Thunderbirds puppet? Milliband was the star guest on Andrew Marr?s political magazine on television this morning. Milliband, The Foreign Secretary (allegedly) in Gordon Brown?s dying government was trying to fend off question from Voice Of The Mysterons Marr about the persistent rumours that a strong undercurrent of opinion in the Labour party would like to see Gordon Brown replaced as leader before the election.

When the subject of the recent plot led by Blairite loyalists Jaqui Smith and Geoff Hoon was raised Milliband denied there had been such a plot and the Labour Party does not go in for plotting, which only proves he doesn?t read the papers. He then said Labour?s job was to govern competently (stop sniggering at the back) until the election and then win a fourth term in office by offering the voters reel change.

Can we assume this means Labour plan to govern by showing us 1930s feature ? length movies and perhaps hiring Jools Holland to play Honky Tonk piano while the reel changing is going on.

Or does he mean changes that will make us reel?

As the nation is already reeling from 12 years of Labour?s style of governing by trying to micromanage the minutiae of individual lives perhaps we should all keep working for a hung parliament.

We like to say “More humour every day at Boggart Blog” but all the news has been so gloomy it is getting hard to live up to that… 😦

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