Posts Tagged ‘football’

Swiss police confirm bomb threat at FIFA congress in Zurich

May 29, 2015
Blatter where most football fans would like to see him (Image source)

At last some encouraging news about FIFA.

A bomb threat has been received at the FIFA congress in Zurich, Swiss police have confirmed to SRF News.

“I can confirm there has been a bomb threat against the FIFA congress, officers have been dispatched,” a spokeswoman for the city police said.

Authorities were alerted around 11 a.m. local time, police spokesman Marco Cortesi confirmed. FIFA also acknowledged receipt of the threat to news website

Local journalists reported that they were forced to leave their places at the venue.

Police spokeswoman Brigitte Vogt earlier confirmed to AFP that a bomb alert had been received at the venue, and that officers were at the scene.

The FIFA presidential election is set to take place on Today (Friday 29 May), with many influential voices in the west’s footballing nation calling for current president, the corrupt and devious Sepp Blatter to step down following an investigation into FIFA’s culture of bribes, bungs and kickbacks led to the arrest of several of the organization’s officials. However, Blatter is expected to be re-elected for a fifth five-year term (we can only wonder how many football administrators from third world nations he had to bribe to get to that position, and how much money it campaign cost the ordinary punters who pay to watch football.

The question about terrorists that has always plagued me is why are the such effing amateurs. I mean you get a crooked fucker like Blatter and all his rent seeking sidekicks together under one roof, and you phone up and warn them you’ve planted a bomb? Another such good opportunity might not occur for years.

Red Card For FIFA

May 27, 2015

And long overdue it is too for this self serving organisation and its corrupt officials. I have always hated international football (well, apart from that one day in 1966), it has always seemed to me to be about expanding the role of the bureaucracies that run the game rather than ordinary punters supporting their local team.

And when you look at FIFA officials, apart from the odd token former player, they are smooth faced elitists, industinguishable from the people who sit on the International Olympic Committee, run the EU, the United Nations, the Eurovision Song Contest and all the rest of it. In other words they are the type of people who in a former age would have talked about their divine right to rule, and God having created their ancestrs as a finer species of humans than us ordinary punters.

it is bollocks of course. The growth of international and trans national competitions (e.g. The World Cup and the European Champions League) has gone hand in hand with the expansion of the bureaucracies that run the game.

Well most participants in the Champions League are not champions of anything and the World Cup has turned into a massive and meaningless jollies (in fact several massive and meaningless jollies) for the games’ bosses, funded by fans.

As always however, the smooth faced back stabbers forgot that we are many and they are few, and they overreached themselves. Hubris always gets its just reward. The real damage was done when a World Cup tournament was awarded to Qatar, a small nation that did not boast a single decent stadium but had shitloads of oil money with which to sweeten the panel that chose future venues.

Things progressed from there until eventually a massive US investigation culminated in an early morning raid by Swiss police on senior football officials staying at a Zurich hotel. The suspects face federal corruption charges and may be extradited to the United States.

The organization’s officials reportedly stand accused of making World Cup bid bribes, arranging broadcaster and marketing deals, as well as wire fraud (a U.S. legal term for any fraud involving transactions dependent on telecommunications ), racketeering and money laundering.

An official statement by the Swiss Federal Office of Justice said the six FIFA officials have received millions of dollars over the years for crimes set up and organized from the US (the Boggart Blog bookies is refusing to take bets on Sepp Blatter being one of them), with American banks involved in the payments. The crimes reportedly go all the way back to the early 1990s.

“The bribery suspects – representatives of sports media and sports promotion firms – are alleged to have been involved in schemes to make payments to the soccer functionaries – delegates of FIFA and other functionaries of FIFA sub-organizations – totaling more than US$100 million,” the Swiss Federal Office of Justice said in a statement. “In return, it is believed that they received media, marketing, and sponsorship rights in connection with soccer tournaments in Latin America.

“The US Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of New York is investigating these individuals on suspicion of the acceptance of bribes and kickbacks between the early 1990s and the present day,” sources in the USA revealed.

In an update on the investigation, the Swiss Attorney-General’s office says electronic and other information and documents were seized from FIFA headquarters as part of the investigation.

I’m all for this, lets go back to the days when Saturday was football day and it was inconceivable that the entire Premiership programme would be cancelled because England had a midweek friendly match with Faroe Islands or somewhere.

Ultimate Fails Compilation

March 19, 2014

What a depressing day. George Osborne’s budget (what an inspiring speaker that man isn’t, and then Manchester United exit from the Champions League later, not that I care much but it means there will be eff all else on television. Football for the peak two hours followed by edited highlights of football later.

Still we British always have our stiff upper lip that enables us to soldier on the the face of adversity, our famous sense of humour and thanks to our Germanic ancestry, our love of Shadenfreude. Yes we shamelessly enjoy the misfortune of others. And why not?

Let’s declare today National Schadenfreude Day and celebrate it with this compilation of epic fails:

It’s worth watching all the way through.

Is football governing body FIFA Corrupt?

March 18, 2014

Years too late there seems to be a kerfuffle about the FIFA decision to stage the 2022 World cup in Qatar, a tiny but oil rich nation that has no football stadiums, no football teams, no football pitches, no grass (not of the kind involved in lawns anyway) but shitloads of money and a despotic ruler whose son likes football.

As the decision to hold a World Cup tournament in Qatar in the middle of summer when temperatures in the desert nation can reach a zillion degrees fuckmeitshotigrade was made far earlier than was necessary some curmudgeonly types said bungs had been handed to officials of football world governing body FIFA to help them make the decision that was best for football and for fans who could afford to stay in any of the Kingdom’s many incredibly expensive six star hotels and support their national team.

How very dare you accuse us upholders of the Corinthian spirit of corruption, howled FIFA officials, hastily trying to stuff bundles of banknotes and anonymous bearer bonds into their pockets.

So can we believe their protestations of innocence or is the football governig body corrupt. The clue is in the name. FIFA – a fee fa this, a fee fa that.

World Cup In Chaos Before They Even Kicked Off
Word Cup: Why Football Is So Much More Than A Game
Welcome To Our World Cup
England, England, England

Proof that the Football Authorities Are A Bunch Of C***s

November 19, 2013

“What have those FIFA loons done now Ian,” you might well ask as if any further proof of what is stated in the headline were needed.

Well, you know that the oil rich desert kingdom of Qatar (population 103) was selected to stage the 2022 World Football (or Soccer for the benefit of our American followers) World Cup?

And you know that Qatar did not have any football teams (apart from those playing in European leagues that have been bought by wealthy Quatari Sheiks)and consequently no football stadia?

For a lot of people in the traditional football playing nations the decision to stage the tournament in a tract of sand dunes was proof enough that the self important bureaucrats of the Federation Of International Football Associations were to a man, cupid stunts.

As if to underline that conclusion, in the design chosen for the Al Wakrah stadium which will host the World Cup final, the complex looks like a lady’s ………….. well, lady bits.

FIFA world cup Al Wakrah stadium
Picture source:

The fact that they are playing in what looks like a gigantic concrete and steel effigy of a minge may not affect most player (Wayne Rooney will not be playing in 2022 and the stadium would be brand new rather than over 50 years old). Such a faux pas does nothing for the credibility of a game which had little credibility left.


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Take one footballer, add one sat nav and stir in one Porsche.

November 11, 2013

The result is all to predictable.
In the past we have gleefully reported the disasters that occur when a person brainwashed with the idea that science is divine and technology infallible cedes responsibility to a sat nav system. The classic case was Sat Nav Suzy From The Isle Of Skye who set out from Scotland for the ferry port at Hull on the east coast and ended up in a sheep pasture in west Wales.

“Didn’t you see the funny place names on signposts and think something was wrong?” we asked her.

“Yes but the sat nav said keep going that way,” she replied. Sat Nav Suzie’s story makes today’s news report all the more believable.

Footballers are not noted for being at the front of the queue when brains were handed out though it is unfair to dismiss them all as stupid, they are not all Super Mario Balotelli. On the other hand Balotelli is not the only total dickhead to have disgraced the Premiership in recent years.

It would be off topic to mention Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney’s wold adventures in oral sex with a granny prostitue (fourth paragraph from end of this report)because it is quite normal for young men to get their face into a Nan* after a few beers on a Friday night – but I mention it anyway because it’s a good line and now Balotelli has returned to Italy we need to identify a few contenders for the “craziest footballer title.

One must surely be Liverpool’s Andre Wisdom whose slavish deference to technology and his sat navs judgement shows he has a long way to go to live up to his name. And as long as he relies on his sat nav rather than his eyes, ears and common sense he is not going to progress far.

The Premier League defender had to abandon his £100,000 Porsche no a muddy dirt track after his sat nav system took him off road.

Wisdom, the England U21 captain, followed the robotic voice as it directed him into a forest park last Friday night. him walking three miles to a main road after his car ended up getting stuck in the mud.

He is currently on loan at Derby County and was on his way to their home game with Sheffield Wednesday at the weekend when the incident occurred.

A Derby County spokesman said: “Andre visited a local shop on the way to Saturday’s game against Sheffield Wednesday and, being new and unfamiliar to the area, he programmed the stadium’s postcode into his Sat Nav.

He added: “The route provided took him down a less than traditional road, where conditions were also poor, and ultimately his car got stuck.”

When we remember he had three miles to walk back to the main road you might well ask why the fuck did his own common sense not alert him to the fact that something wasn’t right. I mean, how thick do you have to be to get in this deep …

Lost in the woods

… before you notice the surroundings don’t look like inner city Sheffield.

The abandoned Porsche Panamera Turbo, worth £100,000, was found by local mountain biker Pete Irons who informed the police. Irons told reporters he was shocked to think a sports car had got so far in conditions that would have challenged a Land Rover.

He said: “To get to that point he would have to have come through an equally muddy section. It was miles from the road, I have no idea what he was thinking to keep going so far.

Well thinking is probably not the right word, after all he is a footballer.

We predict the chant that will be echoing around stadiums where Wisdom is playing for the est of this season might go something like this:

Andre Wisdom, Andre Wisdom,
Andre Wisdom where’s your Porsche.

*for non British readers, a naan is a flatbread originally from the Indian subcontinent, often eaten with curry fter a lads night out. Nan is slang for Grandmother.

Sat Nav can’t see the wood for the trees
Another Stupid Sat Nav Story
When driving on sat nav remember the country code